Why Can’t I Just ‘Get Over It’? Understanding Trauma and PTSD

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why am I still struggling?” despite the time that’s passed? If you’ve experienced trauma—or are trying to understand someone who has—you might relate to these struggles. The journey of healing from trauma is not as simple as it might seem, and you're not alone in seeking answers.

Trauma can have long-lasting effects, and when left unresolved, it often develops into PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), which helps explain why the phrase “just get over it” fails to capture the complexity of what is an ongoing recovery process.

What Is PTSD?

There was a time when PTSD was often pictured as something experienced by soldiers returning from combat, and that image helped shape how society views the disorder. However, PTSD can develop in anyone who has experienced trauma—whether it’s abuse, a natural disaster, or a violent attack. PTSD is characterized by symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and emotional numbness, which can make it feel like the past is always present.

In 2013, the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) updated its categorization of PTSD. Previously classified as an anxiety disorder, PTSD is now recognized as part of a broader group called Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders. This change acknowledges that trauma's impact goes beyond anxiety and affects many areas of mental and physical health.

The Myth of 'Moving On'

So, where did this myth stem from? This perspective has evolved over time but can be traced back to several cultural and psychological influences, such as:

• Cultural Emphasis on Resilience – The notion that we should bounce back quickly from hardship. In many cultures, there’s an expectation that after facing difficulty, we should be able to quickly recover and return to our "normal" lives. This pressure to show resilience can make it seem as if there's something wrong with us if we struggle to move forward.

  
  

• Early Psychological Theories and The DSM – For much of the 20th century, trauma’s long-term impact was underestimated. Early psychological theories, combined with outdated diagnostic criteria in the DSM, led to a narrow understanding of trauma, emphasizing quick “processing” rather than recognizing its complex and long-lasting effects. These oversimplified views promoted the idea that trauma should be “gotten over,” contributing to the myth that we should simply “move on.”

  
  

• The Rise of 'Positive Thinking' – The belief that thinking positively alone can cure emotional wounds. This oversimplified approach to emotional pain suggests that simply changing our mindset can fix everything, disregarding the deep and sometimes overwhelming effects trauma has on the brain and body.

  
  

• Media and Social Expectations – Stories of fast recovery that oversimplify the reality of trauma. The media often portrays individuals overcoming hardship in a matter of weeks or months, which can leave survivors feeling as though they should be healed by now, adding to their frustration and feelings of inadequacy.

  
  

These influences have contributed to the belief that trauma can simply be “moved on” from. However, true healing requires time, patience, and an understanding that recovery is not a linear path.

Steps Toward Healing

Healing from trauma isn’t about forgetting or “getting over” it. It’s about learning to heal, understand, and integrate your experiences into your life in a way that allows you to move forward with strength and peace. It's a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. Here are a few steps toward healing:

1. Seek Professional Support

   Trauma-informed therapy plays a critical role in processing the emotional wounds of the past. Therapy helps you understand the deep emotional impact trauma has on your mind and life, offering a foundation for healing.

   
   

   Trauma-informed coaching complements therapy by providing forward-focused support. Many trauma-informed coaches have personally lived through the trauma of the clients they work with, offering unique insights. These coaches help clients not only process past trauma but also build practical tools for navigating the present and future. They help you understand the impact trauma has had on your brain and body, while guiding you in building resilience and healthier coping strategies.

   
   

2. Build Emotional Resilience

   Recovery often means building emotional resilience—learning to manage your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. This is where trauma-informed coaching can play a critical role in helping you develop strategies for emotional regulation and setting a course for the future.

   
   

3. Surround Yourself With Support

   Support from loved ones can be critical, but it’s important to seek out those who understand your experience and can offer validation and encouragement. Whether through support groups or trusted individuals in your life, connection and understanding can help guide you through the healing process.

Final Thoughts

If you've experienced trauma or are trying to understand and support someone who has, know that healing is possible. It’s a process, not an event, and it happens at its own pace. The myth of “just getting over it” is not only harmful but also unrealistic. For survivors, recovery is about honoring your experience, being kind to yourself, and seeking the help you need. For those supporting a loved one, it’s about offering patience, compassion, and a willingness to listen without judgment.

Your story—or the story of someone you care about—is important. It’s time to let go of the idea that healing should have a deadline. Allow space for the journey, knowing that recovery isn’t linear, but it is always worth it.